What makes us connect or disconnect with others is our ability to understand them. If we fail to understand someone we certainly fail to appreciate them. Also when we succeed in misunderstanding people we succeed in making mistakes about situations of people. Understanding is the force that makes relationships, breaks relationships and shapes relationships. A judgement made without accepting and knowing someone’s perspective or problem (at times ignorance and incompetence) is no judgement at all. It grows into bias. It leads to chaos and confusion, both inside and outside our lives.
You may have experienced a feeling of belongingness for some people and a feeling of displacement with others. To me, what helps in matching wavelengths between two minds is the similarity with which those minds understand situations and people. Why should otherwise I feel like travelling all the way to the airport, 40 Kms away at odd hours of the day, to greet someone I met 2 years back in some formal context without any prior acquaintance? Why did we feel like keeping our friendship alive, nurturing our connection just based on a brief meeting of 2 hours? If this is my inert nature then why do I not unconditionally feel like talking to all the people known to me since ages at least once a year? These are strange questions because all of us are programmed differently. Some people do not care for what others think, feel and do as long as those actions do not affect them. While for some people the feeling of warmth in relationships is far more important than anything else in their life.
Yet, personally I feel putting oneself in the shoes of others helps us become better human beings. Developing a sense of acceptance gives us surprising power to transform our thoughts from ‘they did this to me’ to ‘this happened to me’. Understanding can grow only if we are willing to invest time and energy in broadening our scope of imagination to include views and counterviews exhibited by those whom we like and also those we struggle to like. It gives a feeling of completeness if not anything else.