Ignore all reminders and reach the airport just about 30 minutes before departure. This gives the entire staff, from ticket counter to cabin crew, a golden opportunity to display remarkable time management skills.
Try and forget to carry your photo id. This helps in improving negotiation skills of security officers at the gate.
Carry some extra baggage such that it is slightly more than permissible limit. This gives you an opportunity to discuss and debate about the stupidity of government rules. In the mean time other family members get a chance to network with other enraged passengers stranded behind in queue.
Keep educating children before and after the journey. Make sure that they understand how to gain control over their desires as prices of goods and services at the airport are beyond negotiable limits.
Under the frequent flyer tag, ensure that every time you commit the same mistakes during security check. Mobile phones are to be kept in pocket during security check.
Discuss some personal issues during security check. Discuss how a 5.45 am flight is difficult to catch. Ignore disinterest of others in your problems.
Forget difference between waiting area and marriage hall. Laugh as loud as possible on subjects that none of the persons sitting there really care to know.
If possible misplace the boarding-pass. This really doubles the joy of people who are responsible to ensure that you are made to sit inside the flight in time.
Make the fullest use of facilities that are made available in flight. Civics is a subject of fourth grade textbook and hence do not worry too much about what was taught some 20-30 years ago.
Seat-belt is a compulsion so wear it but not until told and reminded by cabin attendant. Check whether they are concentrating on their work.
Ask for that variant o juice or sandwich which is not mentioned in the information handout placed right in front of you in the seat pocket.
Never fill any feedback form or survey, but do consult fellow passenger who is making an attempt to form his independent opinion.
Close window shades when asked to keep them open and open them when others feel like closing. Show your USP all the time. Create niche for yourself.
Whistle or sing while the cabin attendant is demonstrating the safety procedure.
Immediately after landing switch on the mobile phone and ask the driver/cab attendant whether he has reached and how he can be traced. Do all of that without losing a single minute post landing.
Ask the fellow passenger to keep moving and if possible give him/her a small nudge before he forgets that he has to get out of the flight and not just stand there forever!
While alighting, never greet or thank cabin crew members for their support and service. Make them feel that despite of spending huge amount of money what you got in return was just mediocre service!
While waiting for your baggage on the conveyor, especially when the arrival is post 11.00 pm, pick and replace somebody’s bag at least twice. This keeps you awake.
Now…go home. You have done a lot of social service.
Thank you for all your entertainment.