A Concise User’s Manual For Facebook

Follow the instructions carefully and precisely. Please do not apply your mind.

1. Add as many friends as you can. Keep sending requests and keep accepting all friend requests. Don’t bother about friendliness after adding a person. Just add.

2. Update status everyday with some or the other post. Ignore creativity and novelty etc. Shared posts are welcome.

3. Chat with some or the other friend who is ‘online’. Even if you have no agenda, start with “Hey, How r u?” or “Hello So & So, How is Life?”. What’s important is that this facility should not be underutilized.

4. Keep looking at the message box until he/she replies or at least starts typing. Question the situation if your message is ‘seen’ but not replied.

5. Check all status updates and try to ‘like’ as many as you can, even if that ‘like’ is intended simply to please the friend.

6. Postpone watching videos shared by friends but share them, if watched.

7. Decide to avoid reading friend’s cousin’s paternal uncle’s post but just end-up reading it.

8. While commenting on somebody’s post/status try to prove you are different from the sample.

9. Use ‘smileys’ without any reason. Remember, they are available for our use free of cost.

10. If single or bored with life subscribe to SMS notification service.

11. Keep visiting profiles of long existing friends again and again. Read ‘about’ them and go to ‘photos’ to identify changes happening to their physical (and mental) structure. If time permits, post a comment of photo 13 months later. This is just to appreciate and get noticed.

12. Utilize extra work hours in gaining expertise on Facebook. Using excuse of Social Networking, convince yourself that it helps you to enhance your productivity at work.

13. During lunch/parties/meetings, discuss about Facebook. Its pros and cons. Act as if you know Mark Zuckerberg personally since his childhood. Don’t forget to give your opinion on what should be his next move.

14. On special days like New Year/Birthday (your or your wife’s) decide to reduce exposure to harmful blue rays coming out of Facebook screen. You are allowed to back-out in couple of weeks. But at least once in six months make promise to yourself that you will not ‘waste’ time on Facebook.

15. If you maintain a blog, some Random Type, share your new blog post, possibly every single day (to attract attention and admiration), on Facebook. It works , I tell you. 


Author: anilkshatriyablog

I work as Assistant Professor in the area of Accounting at IMT Nagpur. I love teaching, writing and cycling. I follow a simple principle, 'Help ever, hurt never'.

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